stuck in my own head

I'm so drained lately. I have no energy to burn, I feel like a caged hamster running in circles on the same squeaky wheel. And I'm going nowhere fast.

I feel selfish. I just want to be lost in my own thoughts. Not answer to anyone. I crave the silence. I've gotten myself into too many projects while trying to maintain my sanity and raise my children properly, making sure they are exposed to enough, able to be involved in extra curricular activities, being well taken care of, providing for them, and working towards giving them the best. Being supermom. I'm worn out, and I need a break, but I can't seem to stop.. Always going, never stopping..always somewhere to be and something to do.

And in it, I've kind of fallen in to a depression. With other things going on around me in my life, relatives being sick, not on good terms with my bio dad, being supportive to family and friends in need, emotionally I'm also worn out. No medical or dental, can't afford to fix my teeth which are causing me excruitiating pain, that I live with on a daily basis, too poor to afford to fix myself. The physical pain. Providing for my children first and foremost, and not in the way I had dreamed/hoped. I feel like a failure, and in trying to prove that I'm not, I've overwhelmed my own well being..

My job gives me stress, but I can't afford to walk away from it, and be home with my children again, where I want to be. I want to be more. I AM more...

And this court stuff I'm going through. I want it to go away, and I need to be pro active in it, and yet again, money is the issue. I'm so mentally drained..

why can't I just win the lottery?

Who knew life as a "lower class" mom would be so hard, and who knew I'd be one?