Headache Holidays

I did it. I survived another Turkey Day. Turkey day for me, most years turns out to be some drastic, melodramatic day, this year it was bearable.

I always dread this time of year. I start to think about my marriage that failed, Thanksgiving Night for good of 2000.. It was pretty much already in the toilet at that point, but some days, just get marked as "the one", or "the last time". That was my worst Thanksgiving ever. I caught my husband in bed, doing only God knows what in my own house, while I tried to sleep in the next room waiting for him to come to bed. Now, another thing that only God knows too (and you if you've been one of the privileged to know all or most of my secrets) that I was not innocent in my marriage either. But to find what I did, horrified my existence. Broke trust I had, and really have never gotten back. But that being said, I've moved on.

And 2 Turkey Day's ago, I ran over a lady in a parking lot. Now pick that chin back up, I didn't REALLY run her over. It was a last minute stop at WalMart, (the devil chain store).. I needed to get Josh some rain gear, because the weather had been really crappy. Anyway, this lady, I sware on all of me, had to have jumped out in front of me.. If you've ever been to WalMart, and odds are there's a pretty good chance you have been, you've seen those crazy pedestrians. Heck, I've been one of those crazy pedestrians. I sware, they think they own the road... Well, long story short, I hit one of them, who also already happened to have a prostetic leg..

Now I know you want to hit me with all the jokes you can, but I'm pretty sure I've already heard them all! (you couldn't have hit a pedestrian who wasn't already disabled?, you had to take out a slow one?) things like that, never get old. But she wasn't slow, in fact, I'm pretty sure I was the victim of a scam, but the lady had the wrong target. She recently has stated that she wants 50,000 from me to cover the cost of damages.. keep in mind, that I was not cited with a traffic violation, nor hauled to jail, nor is it even on my driving record. (did you know that WalMart parking lots are considered private property?).... I don't think she realized that even white trash with no money can drive nice vehicles... ;-)


Anyway, that was another Turkey Day mishap.. Just to name a few. The major ones of late anyway.. I just dread it. Having split families never makes holidays fun. It's always a headache. And that time of the year as I like to call them the Headache Holidays, are officially here. But I survived the first one.

I let go of the issues, the pain, the feelings of resentment, and also of remorse. I've been doing a lot of self healing lately.. (I have to, the insurance won't pay for it, lol) I've taken responsibility for my actions, I've become aware of my weaknesses, and also my strengths in the same respect. I will not NOT enjoy my existance, because others are negative assholes..

I've let go. and moved on. I remembered to remind myself that I am in control of my feelings and emotions. I've learned that the pain I've felt has all been real, and to talk about it so freely, means that I have let it go, I don't let it control me. At least I'm trying.

I've realized that I have a love that has withstood so many trials and tribulations. And for that I am thankful. For my love, and my family, and the love of my family, is all I need.. even if it is a bit dysfunctional at times. I just have to remember to practice my deep breathing and I will make it through the Headache Holidays...

10 Rules for Being Human

Ten Rules for Being Human

by Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."
4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.

I chose to live, not just exist.

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain."

Jim Morrison