In light of the new year, and often before that, I've been thinking a lot about the different types of friendships I have in my life. I've become more aware of who is a true friend. About 2 years ago, I had this conversation with a very old (not old in age) and wise friend of mine, and we determined that our friendships can be compared to crayons.
There are all different colors and variations, but they all end up making the box complete. Lately, I've realized there are a few color friendships in my life, that aren't necessarily the right ones for me. Not that I want to trade them for other colors, I just need to discontinue those colors.
I try really hard to be a nice person, and a good friend to those around me. I always try to put others first, and I always taken in to consideration how my thoughts, words and actions affect those around me. I have different kinds of friendships, friends from work, friends from work who have become more than just in the "work friend" category, and that I can count on when I need someone to talk too. Old friends, new friends, Mom Friends, my walking buddy, my volunteering friends, my cohorts, friends I go to for parenting and relationship advice, or just to complain to each other! and so many others. What I realize, is that I have apparently been trying to hard to "prove" my friendships, and be there for others, and I've noticed that some of these don't do the same for me. I realize that some people have been pretending to be my friend, or even just an acquaintance, but yet criticize me behind my back, and talk about things they really have no knowledge of. I've decided, that I will no longer give those people the time of day. I am cutting the ties to that negative energy, and if they still feel the need to judge because of my lifestyle, or my economic status, then so be it. I feel sorry for those people that feel the need to belittle others to feel better about themselves. I am happy with the person I am, the person I'm becoming, and the life I live. I may not have all the things some consider necessary to classify being a good person, or worth their time, but I have what makes me happy and that's all that matters.
Friendship isn't about what you own, or what you can buy. It's about being there for others when they don't need you, and even more when you do. It's about being able to laugh together, and being able to be yourself, and not have to hide your true colors. It's about appreciating the people in your life, for what they bring to your life, and how they enrich it. It's about knowing that your friends will be there at 3 am when your feeling sad and lonely. It's about being able to call somebody last minute because you're in a pinch and need somebody to watch your kids, and they do it second nature without even thinking about it. Friendship is so much more than social class. It's hard for me to understand why some people feel that need to categorize people in that way. Sometimes the best friends you can have are the ones in low places like me....
5 comments:
SERIOUSLY. You just read my mind! (or at least were thinking the same thoughts as me.) I had (am having) an experience this week and have been trying to decide what to do about it. Do I call this person & tell them that I heard what they said about me and that I know that they're being fake & are really just cold and judgemental? Do I defend myself or just remind myself that it doesn't matter? do I just ignore it all and let them get away with spewing their hate & materialist competetive BS? Or... do I cut them out of my life? Why do people have to be like this and why are "real" friends so rare?
You are very lucky to have friends like that in your life. I don't have any friends like that who live near me. All of my closest friends are scattered across the country. I have friends here who I've put a lot of energy into who haven't returned it. For whatever reason, they've chosen to resist having a very close friendship. I've decided that I need to pull back a bit and stop being the one who calls, the one who emails, the one who makes the effort.
You know, I confronted the person who I heard was saying things about me. Only because I was tired of hearing about it from everyone else. Seriously, if I had never heard it again, I wouldn't have thought twice, because I've realized, that people who say and do things like that, only do it because they themselves aren't happy with their own lives, so they must pick apart everyone else's. There will come a day, when it will all come back to them, and there won't be anything I need to do about it. However, I felt that since I live in such a small community, where this person and I are supposed to be an integral part of things, there needed to be a stop put to it. And there was. There were words exchanged, and we agreed to disagree. I don't expect everyone on this planet to be my friend, or even like me for that matter, but just because you don't like me, doesn't mean I should be a topic of your discussions. You know?
So what did you do Natalie?
They confronted me actually. LOL Funny how that ended up working out. I had decided to let it go. I specifically told Dustin that I was letting it go. But he didn't. He told his dad that he was ticked. His dad called this person. The person called me. It went something like this:
Me: "Hello?"
Them: "Did you F****** tell your husband that I was talking crap about you?!?!"
Me: "Well, yeah. You were."
Them: "I can't believe you were talking about me behind my back. I just got lectured because of you."
Me: "Well, only because you said what you said in the first place."
Them: "It wasn't even me that said it. It was _________!"
Me: "Why would they say that? You were the one with the problem with me. Why would they be spreading that around? You had to at least talk to them in the first place."
And on and on and on...
So, basically, we at least got it all out in the air. This person will not admit that they EVER said a thing. The cover story makes no sense whatsoever though. So, yeah, I'm moving on (even though it still drives me nuts that ANYONE said what they said.) I am far too much of a people pleaser to be 100% okay with people not liking me but I'm trying.
Ohhh that people pleasing thing gets me too Natalie. This one person was the first person who actually just came out and said she thought I was a horrible person. Out of all of the years in my life, and all the "horrible" things that have been said ABOUT me..no one has said it like that. It's taken me a few months, but I've started to live with the fact that she doesn't like me, despite the fact, I really have never done anything to her, and just accept the fact that not everyone can love me for as GREAT as I am!!
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