powerless

D,F,F,B,B
No, it's not a musical pattern, a pattern of any sort actually. It's my step son's grades. I'll give you two guesses what the B's are in. PE and Music. Yep. The real important subjects, ya know? I'm so frustrated. Frustrated with the whole solution that is being offered to solve this problem. HOME SCHOOL. Not that I have anything against home schooling. I think it's a wonderful thing, and can be a great thing for some people and their families. I don't think it's the solution to this problem. He has been struggling since entering public school almost 3 years ago. Before, in his elementary days, he attended a public school in Eugene, but it was called Family School, and had a more alternative way of schooling. It seemed to work for him, but honestly, I've thought since they went there, that it was not doing him any good. It didn't help him the way a school is supposed to. Didn't challenge him, and some of his struggles were not identified or worked with at the time. I knew it was only a matter of time before the system caught up with him and he would struggle even more. He had horrible attendance, and his grades suffered from not turning in his homework. The teachers changed his schedule around to try and help him remember his homework. He was given checklists, and all other different kinds of things to try and keep him on track. I voiced my opinions, but like most subjects when it comes to my 'step' children, my voice was ignored. Eventually, he was labeled with ADD, but not put on medication. Apparently, he's supposed to take Fish Oil, because his mom is against  medicating him. He's been to my house once since that time more than (2 years ago)  WITH his Fish Oil. So I ASSUME it's not something he takes on a regular basis.
Enter them moving, and attending a 'regular' public school. Since then, he has struggled with reading, math, and science. The mother blamed his struggles on the teachers, the principal, and everyone who dealt with him, and says they don't know how to handle working with kids with ADD. The thing that frustrates me most I think, is that she never calls Josh to tell him about his struggles until it's time for a conference with a teacher, or she's argued with them so much, she needs him to back her up. He's always been one for saying what's on his mind, and he doesn't take crap from the school when it comes to his kids. He's always in Z's corner. The thing is, he doesn't get the chance to be. So two days ago. He gets a phonecall from the mom, crying, because she doesn't know what to do. She has a conference with the teacher from one class and the principal over the phone, and wants Josh to be in on it. She has convinced Josh that the teacher is out to get Zaine, is targeting him, not helping him, and failing him because she doesn't understand him. Josh calls me. Instantly, I'm frustrated because I've known all along that this was coming, and it's really too bad that it's come SO late in the year. It's obviously been an ongoing thing. Thing is, the kid does great in class. And when he actually DOES his homework, the grades are excellent. He's just not following through. So I get on Facebook, and the mom has posted "Z and I have decided to homeschool". WHAT THE HELL! Z and her? What about talking with Josh about it, shouldn't it be decided amongst the parents what happens? Not the mother and son, with leaving dad out to dry? Of course it should. Of course it HAS to be. Their divorce papers say so. 50% decision making when it comes to education, religion and medical. Yep, that's right. It's documented. But 'SHE'S decided to homeschool? Again, just another one of my frustrations. So I spent almost all of yesterday worried about this kid. About the decisions his parents are going to make about his education and how they are going to help him. I don't think HOMESCHOOL is the answer. If the reason he's failing is because he's not turning in his HOME work, do you think it's the school that is the problem? I sure don't. Sure, I know how the public education process works, and a lot of kids labeled with ADD and ADHD don't get the help they need, or as much of it as they should. But I don't blame the school for his failure. If he's not remembering to do his homework, and not turning in his assignments, shouldn't there be someone else who is just as responsible for helping him remember? Yes, that's right, I said it. His custodial parent, SHOULD be making sure he's not forgetting his backpack in the morning, making sure his homework is DONE before he's allowed computer time, DSi time, Wii time, or Lego time. But maybe that's just me. Although, I don't think I'm wrong in feeling this way.
Josh has always had reservations about her parenting. We've had constant arguments with her, about the way she does things. He tries not to interfere, but when it gets bad, he always eventually stands up to her and tells her what she's doing wrong. We've had neglect issues, we've had hygiene issues, we've had school issues, we've had doctor issues, you  name it, we've dealt with it. And all of a sudden he agrees with her that home schooling is a good idea. Sure, I think it's a great idea, if it was somebody ELSE doing it. This kid does not respect his mother, does not listen to her, does what he wants, and NOW you think it's a good idea that she homeschool him. And then.. she says she's going to 'de-school' him. Which, in reading an article, says that for every year your child has spent in a formal education system, they should get a month of time to heal from that. So in essence, this kid will have 7 months to do whatever he wants not school related. Does that sound like a solution to this problem? I sure don't think so. And I don't think it's going to help him any. I think the reasons for not doing his work need to be figured out. I know him, and I know that even if he doesn't understand what he's supposed to do, he won't ask for help. He feels ashamed or shy that he can't do something. He doesn't have the tools, or the courage to ask when something is wrong. I've seen it in so many other aspects of his life. I feel sometimes, as I know this kid better then his own parents. Maybe that sounds concieted, but I don't think so. I'm just being honest. I've been able to reach out to him many times, when his parents couldn't. We have a special bond, the two of us. So even though he won't say it, I know he's scared, not understanding, and not knowing how to cope with the issues at hand. Is he not doing his homework because he's afraid to ask for help? Because he doesn't understand it and feels like he should. Because he's scared to not KNOW something. I think so. I think that's part of the problem. It's always easier to not do something because you don't know how, then to ask for help, right?
I suggested that he come stay with us, and attend school here for a while, to see if it can make a difference. If only till the end of the year. I think his dad should have the option to be able to help him. Not only should his father be able to have a chance at being proactive, but our school here, K-8 is 300 kids. He's in a school 6-8 with 603 kids.. Do you see the possibility of him getting more help here? I sure do.
I just don't see how the solutions they are offering are going to help him. Only hinder him more.. I'm so scared, worried, anxious, and empathetic for him, and there's nothing I can do. I have no power. I'm powerless over this situation, yet it will also affect my life. How is that fair? It's not. Yet there's nothing I can do about it....